Thursday, October 12, 2006
NO MORE....I finally found somethin to ease the pain inside. I bite the inside of my mouth till blood gushes out...the pain inflicted causes me to stop thinking about everything around. I embrace this pain. I drown into my own world where nothing exists. No man, no animal, and especially no feelings. All into a black hole drawn from within myself. Self-inflicted mortal wounds, so bloody, so terrible, so destructive...
Never within my own soul will i ever feel anything from this. I devour the bread that i seek within my own. No more thoughts, no more feelings, no more memories. Just the present day as it stands... This i what i do to myself when i feel like shit. I discovered this only yesterday.
I found out the truth about something i didnt wish to know about. It coudn't be helped. It was right in front of me,literally. If only i can let it all out here. But i can't. If i did, it would only mean more problems..which i don't think would be easy to solve at all. Especially loking at the situation. Damm big contradition isnt it. Started a blog to express all my feelings, yet, i can't even give a clue about this. What's the point. Even if i did, it wouldn't help at all. Besides, not quite ready to go public yet. Maybe one day, but certainly not now.....
Anyway yesterday had some CCA exchange program called 'palette'.... I found it a damm big waste of time. Naufal, me and the chinaboy just slacked the whole goddam way....Nothin to do..Well we learnt some taekwondo skills(self-defence only)...Oh yea, we also performed Who's David by Busted as McFlee to the rockclimbing and taekwondo dudes...well that was quite fun. The rest was just plain old boring. After the whole thing, we had photo taking...dumbest phototaking i ever had in my life. What a place to choose for a class photo, the track...O.o"""Anyway, since that shitty day was over, had nothing else to do..just went back home and slept for awhile before waking up to do the GODDAMMMMM PW!!!! How i wish pw would finish fast.. Getting sick and tired of it...
got fucked at.. 11:15 AM
